The Great Gauge Accident of 2009

Enough time has now passed that I may speak of the great gauge accident of 2009 without crying.

I wanted a chunky, outdoorsy, instead-of-a-coat sort of sweater. Elann had a big sale on Rowan Scottish Tweed Chunky. I got the colour I wanted (Herring). I had finished my Christmas knitting. I was a happy woman.

Oh, it’s easy to knit a top-down sweater without a pattern, they said. Just measure your gauge, do a little math, and away you go.

LIARS.

Exhibit the first:

Here is a man with a 50 inch chest, wearing a 53 inch sweater. Fie on your math and gauge swatching, I says.

Okay. I might have panicked and cast on a few too many stitches at the pits (six, so 2 inches). But really, this should have worked. The gauge is right, the math is right. But I tried it on and it was ridiculous. Then I blocked it.

The colour is lovely, though. Exhibit the second:

Look at them funky little flecks of colour. Also, Mr. Dame, cheer the hell up. YOU didn’t spend a month knitting this stupid sweater.

Pattern: Classic Raglan Pullover by Barbara Walker
Yarn: Rowan Scottish Tweed Chunky, 8 balls of Herring
Needles: US 10.5  circs. To add insult to injury? My Knitpicks Harmonies popped out of the metal collar that holds the needley part in, and I had to borrow the most hideous needles from my mum. The cable could CUT you.
Made for: Mr. Dame (accidentally).

Coming next? The Hoodie of Repentance.

A Very Cool Idea

I love this: embroidered & needlepointed cushions and quilts, lovingly hand-made for you in PRISON.

I am getting all sweaty with joy just thinking about certain people coming for a visit and remarking on the loveliness of my new pillow, only to be told that, “yes, I had that made for me by a dude in JAIL.”

More seriously, if I had to articulate part of what I think is wrong with the world, it’s that “stuff” is not valued. Everything is disposable, crappy, made by machines (or people who are treated like machines); people are disengaged from how things like food, paper goods, and textiles make it to their house for them to use or consume. And when you don’t value stuff, it’s a short hop to not valuing people, their opinions, and even their lives. And then you end up in jail.

So, as a rehabilitative measure, I am all for murderers learning embroidery. It will probably facilitate slowing down, thinking and exploring their own minds, which will hopefully lead to greater respect for others, and, erm, less murder?

Plus, how sweet is that lobster cushion? Many Valentines options too.

From Horrible, Some Good

Quite a few knitwear designers are donating a portion of their sales from now until the end of the month to relief efforts in Haiti.

The unbelievably generous Ysolda Teague is donating 80% of her (probably not inconsiderable) sales to Médecins Sans Frontières for their work in Haiti. If you were planning to knit any of her lovely designs, now would be a splendid time to purchase the patterns.

I took the opportunity to stockpile Ishbel, which will be helpful in freeing me from the giant pile of sock yarn I’ve managed to accumulate.

I always like Laura Chau (aka Cosmic Pluto)’s designs, and she is donating 50% to Haitian relief, so I picked up her Honey Bee Cardigan pattern. Needless to say, I shall NOT be knitting the short boob-holder version. And some dyeing must take place before I can start it, but what the hell… no time like the present.

You can search Ravelry for other designers who are supporting the Haitian relief effort by looking for patterns tagged “help-for-haiti” or click here.

You can also view the Yarn Harlot’s post on how to direct your donation to MSF, and become one of the  Tricoteuses Sans Frontières.

ETA: On Saturday Jan 23, if you shop at Three Bags Full, 50% of the profit goes to MSF.  Also, I bought Gaenor.

The Christmas Knitting

I wanted to make sure everyone had their presents before I started posting here, but my brother and his family took off to California (wife=working; bro=not so much). So I’ll skip theirs, and show you some other things.

Pattern: Official Kittyville Hat, by Kitty Schmidt
Yarn: Leftovers of Eco Wool from the Monster Sweater and Paton’s Shetland Chunky from the Twilight Mitts. Whoops–what Twilight Mitts?
Needles: US 8  (5mm) circs, bamboo,  which was a huge pain in the ass. Sticky? Youbetcha.
Made for: DameSister

Pattern: Transistions Stash-buster Shawl, by Lykkefanten (which is the best user-name. In my (addled) head, it combines licking and elephants. Who would not want to lick an elephant?)
Yarn: Leftovers of Cascade 220, Elann Peruvian Highland Wool, and Elann Donegal Tweed,
Needles: US 8  (5mm) Knitpicks Interchangeables
Made for: Mater

This thing turned out huge! My mother is not a small woman, and I wanted to make sure it would envelop her. When I blocked it on the folded-out futon, I had to do it in two halves it was so huge. It was a colossal win, though. I think of all the things I knit, this met the happiest reception.

A Very Bad Dog

Nobody tell Alice, ‘kay?

The Inevitable

My friend John doesn’t make resolutions. He chooses a word or two, and tries to incorporate it into his life in every way he can. One year it was “grace”, another it was “balance”. This seems to work for him. For me, not so much.

I need the humiliation of putting a concrete set of goals on the internet, so anyone who cares to can ask, “so, how’s it going with that..?”

I actually have a pretty good track record with resolutions, as long as they’re really specific. I have quit smoking, learned to drive, and quit a crappy job as a result of a New Year’s resolution.

So, here’s a few for this year.

1) Eat better. Just cut out the mass-produced crap. If I’m going to eat cake, let it be cake I made with my own hands (and my new KitchenAid mixer, thanks mum!), not some transfat-HFCS-laden horror from the grocery store.

2) Exercise more. Man, 2009 was not a classic year for exercise. Between quitting smoking, feeling really shitty for six months, surgery, a truly insane schedule from Jan-April, buying a car (I know, boo hiss–it’s a Smart car, so lay off), I am now officially the fattest I have ever been. But! Mr. Dame got me a community centre membership for three months unlimited gym, and the new community centre is, literally, across the street from my office. And Reena and I are going to Tai Chi on Sunday AM. Huzzah!

3) Learn to sew better. Take a class? Dink around in the basement? Dunno. But the goal for 2010 is to make at least one wearable garment that doesn’t look like it came from a ninth grade home-ec class.

4) Hold the line on work. Stop caring how much money other people are making, or how much I used to make. I made that money by never having a stress-free day off, or a holiday where I didn’t have to check the email, for seven year. SEVEN YEARS. It took its toll on my health, mental and physical. No more. I’d rather be happy.

5) Stop dressing like a homeless person. See #2. I sit alone in a room at least three days a week. And have you seen how college teachers dress? For the last year or so,  jeans and hoodies have been my constant friends. I’m hoping to make and wear more skirts and dresses. As well, I’m listening to everyone’s favourite grumpy fashion dude, Tim Gunn, and amassing the 10 essential wardrobe pieces. Tip for the big-boobed–Brooks Brothers seem to have figured out where to put the buttons on shirts so they don’t gap. Plus, they have sizes that seem reasonable to me.

What are your plans/hopes/resolutions?

The Year in Review

Whew. 2009 is over. Thank fuck.

It was a very weird year. In 2009 I:

1) got a new dog

2) got a driver’s license

3) took a real job, and backed out of it within 6 months (yay, me)

4) backed off the freelance commitments

5) started eating better (organics, more cooking at home etc.)

6) started going to acupuncture

7) knit 23 things, including 4 sweaters

suffered from debilitating paranoia that every friggin’ decision I made was the wrong one.

Happy New Year, y’all. Tomorrow, the resolution post!

Magnificent Obsession

I needed to make Jim a hat for his birthday, which led to this:

And, lo, it was good.

So good, it led to this:

Which, in turn, led to this:

Pattern: Botanic, by Stephen West*
Yarn: Cascade 200 for the blue and grey, Elann Peruvian Highland Wool for the black, Noro Kureyon, Cascade handpaints. Less than a skein of Kureyon did the black and grey hats contrast colour.
Needles: US 6 & 7 (4 & 4.5mm) circs, the cheap-ass grey kind, because that’s the way I roll.

*Next up on the Stephen West hit parade… Herbivore. No, Daybreak. No, Herbivore.  Dang. I love them both.

A Present for You

Whoever you are.

This year, I made a lot of knits for Christmas gifts (photos to come–man, it’s hard to take indoor photos with my stupid camera). I’m never sure how to wrap hand knits. As well, certain members of my family will assume I bought their gift, and get all gnarly about only getting a hat for a gift.

So, this year, I’m going to wrap the knits in tissue, and slap one of these babies on there, then put it in a gift bag:

I did three colour variations on this (all these colours, but arrayed slightly differently), and it prints on a shipping label (Avery 8164).

Here is a pdf for you, if you’d like to do the same. Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!

Stickin’ It to the (Cleaning) Man

It may possibly be a short hop from environmental thriftiness to a mental condition, but in addition to making my own deodorant, I also make my own countertop cleaner.

This was very contentious–I started out believing all the many sources that say you can just use vinegar and water (which maybe you can if you are a) less of a slob, and b) not conjoined with Mr. Dame), but it didn’t clean baked-on gunk well enough for Mr. Dame’s liking. He’d bust out the CLR at the drop of a hat, which ran counter to the initial intent.

So, I hunted high and low for a good recipe for counter cleaner. There are millions of them, but this is one I like, and it works. Quantities are to fit the spray bottle I have; your mileage may vary.

1) Gather your stuff. You’ll need Borax (in the laundry aisle), castille soap (I use Dr. Bronner’s Lavender, because it smells clean), essential oils (lavender is nice; also this time I added orange oil, which goes nicely with lavender; tea tree is anti-bacterial; superhippies like oil of oregano, but it seems too expensive to clean a countertop with to me.)

2) measure 3 cups of warm water, add 1.5 tbsp of borax, 1.5 tsp of castille soap, and 1-1.5 tsp of essential oils.

3) Whoosh it around until the borax dissolves. I use a whisk. It will look cloudyish.

4) Pour it into a spray bottle. Clean your counters, stove top, fridge, etc. with it.

And I am so freakin’ excited about this tutorial for making your own laundry detergent. SO excited. Weirdly enough, Mr. Dame has jumped on the home made cleanser bandwagon, and asked me all this weekend if we were going to make laundry detergent. Can’t wait!)